poop and circumstance

If you've gotten the chance to check out the TACA Now website, you may have noticed the words "Poop Stories" on their welcoming banner. Yes, poop - like Jenny and Dr. Mielke said, you have to be willing to explore poop when your child has autism.

This of course entails the need to be willing to stand over her or him while they perform the most elementary of all human functions: the bowel movement. Why? Well, as any scientist or zoologist will tell you, animal wastes help one to understand how the digestive tract is working - or not. NEVER in my life did I imagine myself hovering over the loo taking down its color, "sinkability" (sinking poop is best), analyzing/ inferring its texture (because I sure as HECK wasn't about to reach in that toilet water for the sake of unquestionable evidence!) and - here's the best part - looking for yeast. (Do you know how many days I spent looking up "How yeast looks like in poop" on google? Some sites led me to photos and I turned pale as my gastric acids crept up my windpipe). ugh.

My husband and I made a great Laurel and Hardy bathroom team, I tell you:

Him: *yelling from the upstairs bathroom* HEY! She pooped! Come look at this!
Me: *running like a madwoman* Wow - at least it sank and is compact, right? (yes, we learned some crap lingo)
Him: Yes, but do you see the black in it? That's the activated charcoal we gave - great at removing toxins!
Me: Ok, ummm....I'm feeling a bit queasy right now...I trust you.
Him: Really! Look - and that part right there? That's the yeast!
Me: Funny, I thought yeast was supposed to be fuzzy....but umm.....seriously, can we flush it now?
Him: It's gotten so much better though! *smiling* It has!
Me: Yes, honey, it ha...
Him: Where's the camera?
Me: You're kidding.
Him: we HAVE to document this you know? For the journal! It's important!
Me: oh.....kay.....

And so now I'm staring at a single photo in my digital camera, trying my best not to barf. My BEST. For those of you reading, you need not cringe. It will be a cold day in hell when I advertise my baby's poop.

Even for the sake of science. ;)